I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
