Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
