You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
