I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
