My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.