none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
