I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
