One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
