You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
