I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
