id be glad to
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
