if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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