He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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