There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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