don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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