i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.