I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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