haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
