i love accidental penises.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
