Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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