you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
