I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize