you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
