I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
