Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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