i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ass is underappreciated
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
