i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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