He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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