Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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