I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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