Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
