I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
