when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
