Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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