Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
