You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
