omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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