Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
