loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
