so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
