Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
