You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
