My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
