dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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