Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
