Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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