READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
