I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
