So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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