i permit you to call me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
