You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
