I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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