Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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