i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pants are for mortals
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
