In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
