I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bring money and cleavage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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