I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
