She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
