My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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