i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
