I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
