There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
