I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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