Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize