God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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