I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
