i think i have two assholes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
