apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
