i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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