you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
