Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
