do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
