I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
