we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
