Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
