The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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