I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
