your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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