I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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