I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
