Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
