Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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