I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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