When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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