Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
