i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize