my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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