Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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