This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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